… Is going to be a vent, and I’m sorry. So if you don’t want to read, stop reading.
I have been blessed with a seemingly endless love for learning. I enjoy reading newspapers, scholarly articles, and political science books in my free time. Doing homework is usually something that’s pretty interesting for me. Studying for tests, while stressful, also makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something. And writing papers, while the research can usually take forever, I can thankfully write very fast with an outline.
Learning is interesting for me. Learning is fun. School has never been that difficult for me. I work hard, sometimes too hard. And I have been blessed with being rewarded for my hard work with good grades that reflect the effort that I put in. Until now.
Studying abroad is supposed to be fun, professors know this and they are supposed to take it easy on you. Well, I guess that’s not how my professors here play the game. It seems like no matter how hard I research my papers, how long I study, how hard I work at my internship, nothing changes, nothing improves, the grades aren’t there.
I cannot express how annoying this is for me. When you think you write a perfectly good paper, one that goes above and beyond what the professors asks, and you still do not get the grade you expect, it’s defeating. It makes you doubt your abilities. It makes you think that if you can’t even handle study abroad classes, how are you going to handle your masters classes next semester? Or your masters exam a two years away? Or law school classes?
I guess now I finally understand what it feels like to work so hard for something and then not achieve it in the end. It makes you want to give, especially because you feel like you have nothing else left to give.
I hate it.
I hate grade deflation.
If I work hard, if I do what is expected – beyond what is expected – I want a good grade. You cannot look me in the eye and tell me that some of the classes that I’ve taken at BU and have gotten As in are easier than the classes I’ve taken here. The classes here are dumb – the professors briefly touch on the details and they give no guidance as to the papers. The fact that we need to write papers for our internships – with sources – is insane, especially after working 32 hours a week and going to class for another 4 (along with having work to do for that class).
Seriously, this just makes me want to go home. To forget this semester. And to move on.
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